


Green, Green Grass

by lunarinsanity



Series: Dancing on Tiptoes [2]
Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 22:49:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5182568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarinsanity/pseuds/lunarinsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard to appreciate the grass you're sitting on when the grass on the other side is much, much greener.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Green, Green Grass

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up, I do in fact headcanon Kouen to have anxiety that is triggered by situations that involve his personal emotions. While in canon he has already learned to control it, he is only fifteen in this story and so he has yet to understand the underlying cause of it, much less control it.

The grass tickles his bare feet as he runs in the green blanket that has settled across the courtyard. A kiss from Mother Nature herself, the sun shines high in the bright blue sky. Smiling, the young prince’s lips are quirked upward in a conservative smile and he knows no real reason why. Only that today was a good day, that spring was a good season, that his work was done well. The breeze ruffles his hair, combing through the trees and rustling birds out of their sleep. Even now early in the morning the world is excited, fully awake and peering at its sleeping inhabitants with its fluffy cloud eyes. He’d finished his paperwork, room arrangements, and spring cleaning all last night before he went to bed, and so now he is free to do whatever he wishes.

Okay, maybe there is a reason, a very small, very _secret_ reason, and that reason is currently lounging beside the pond with a scroll laid out across his lap. Kouen stops to lean against the edge of the bridge. Beneath his toes the cobblestone is sandy and rough, he feels it as his toes curl in sight of that shiny raven hair and knowing smile. Hakuyuu knows that someone is admiring him from afar, but instead of looking up, he moves some stray hair behind his ear just _so_ in a way that shoots an arrow straight through Kouen’s thumping heart. Kouen’s neck heats up.

Since when had his heart bared itself in such a way? His teeth chew his lower lip. Was he that easy to read? Did his mannerisms betray him? Didn’t father say to be more careful with how much he let another person see through him? Transparency was dangerous, _dangerous_ , _**dangerous**_ , he knew. For a solid minute his body has frozen to the spot, and it is as if it is winter again. Kouen shivers and fidgets with the ends of his sleeves. Hakuyuu was intelligent, and maybe that gave him an advantage above others who were less perceptive. True. But also Kouen had a habit of quickly becoming undone under a scrutinizing gaze. If Hakuyuu could read him, how often did he show others this vulnerable side to himself?

His breath has left him. For how long he cannot say. Even counting in threes doesn’t help, for his mind is a jumbled mess of clustered chaos. Those thoughts that before would float through his mind at ease are buzzing painfully, throbbing in his left ear. Or is it his right?

Hakuyuu turns to look at him then. A warm smile brightens his countenance, and once again Kouen’s heart is alight with flame. Through that smile life returns to his otherwise sickly pallor. Right. What was he thinking? Hakuyuu would not hurt him, and nobody could read him as well as the first prince, except maybe Koumei. Both were people Kouen trusted with his very life.

He hated being like this but he much more hated how his pride prevented him from saying anything. For now he would keep it from the one man Kouen was convinced already knew.

Instead he decided to make his way down to the edge of the pond, where Hakuyuu rested against a tree. Upon seeing Kouen he rolls up his reading material and sets it aside, patting his side, inviting Kouen to take up the space. Without a question Kouen sits next to Hakuyuu.

“Good morning to you, Kouen? Isn’t it a little early to be up?”

Kouen frowns. Why did Hakuyuu always start off with the same cheerful banter? Kouen would continue to work at the same pace that the first prince did. After all, he had to catch up. What good was a retainer that couldn’t keep up with their lord? “You already know the answer to that question.”

“Humor me a little, will you? It’s not such a difficult concept. I like to hear you talk.”

Ah, there he goes again, that thing he does where he opens his mouth and melts Kouen to the ground. It really was all Kouen’s fault though. He hung on to every word. Maybe it wouldn’t matter so much if it were something that came out of some girl’s mouth. When girls complimented him he didn’t care so much, they were only doing it to be polite. And besides, they were looking to get married to bring honor to their families. Boring and two-faced, those girls. Hakuyuu was honest through and through, which was probably the reason Kouen liked to hear compliments from _him_. They were far and few in-between, but once said, meant the world to Kouen.

Though lately Hakuyuu had been paying Kouen an obscene amount of compliments.

“Your Highness, you’re too forward.”

“Hm? Am I? You always seem to know what’s best, Kouen. So king-like already.” There is a glimmer in his eye as he looks at Kouen from the side of his vision. Kouen is glad to know at least _somebody_ is enjoying his obvious pain and embarrassment. Why did Hakuyuu have to do this, especially when he sounded like that? It was almost like he knew what he was doing.

He shoves at his older cousin’s arm and promptly hides his face. “Sh-Shaddup.”

“Kouen, your ears are red.” He stifles a laugh. “Are you becoming a tomato? Whatever am I to do? My cousin has been replaced with a vegetable!”

“You know as well as I do a tomato is a fruit!”

Hakuyuu wraps an arm around Kouen and pulls him into a headlock, laughing menacingly as he did so. “Oh really? Do you think you know better than me? Such insolence from a brat like you…”

“Ack! Y-Your Highness!”

Kouen squeals with laughter and tries to pull himself away from Hakuyuu’s tight grip. Three times he fails and just resigns to his fate afterwards. There was no way to fight this. Hakuyuu has been scorned and he was the unfortunate victim of His Highness’ revenge. Oh how tragic! Oh the horror! To be slain by Hakuyuu’s strong arms, tight hold, soft hands… and that voice in his ear that was deep and guttural and very much threatening… 

Shameless. Kouen is so shameless for the way his face suddenly heats up. The sun on his back and face is scorching, burning him alive with its judgmental light. To be in close proximity to Hakuyuu like this, it elicits all sorts of emotions and thoughts and physical reactions, but to have his shameful attachment to his cousin brought to light in this manner was to be strung up and executed in the gallows. Wasn’t spring the perfect season for public executions?

Struggle as he might he is still not strong enough, and by this point he is unsure if Hakuyuu is actually playing or if he’s equally as distracted as Kouen is, for the intensity in his wrestling has, if only slightly, been toned down, lessened in a way that suggests thoughtfulness, yet remaining steadfast out of pride.

It is at times like these Kouen wonders in abated silence whether he is burdening Hakuyuu. His affections must be obvious. Is Hakuyuu watching how he acts around Kouen? Kouen’s hand, tentative in its ministrations, first touches Hakuyuu’s hand lightly, then trails up and down Hakuyuu’s arm. It is a mere test. Kouen would drive himself insane with worry otherwise.

Hakuyuu’s hold only stiffens further, proving Kouen’s stipulations correct. Hakuyuu is nervous about this contact. The next question then lies in a darker part of Kouen’s mind, and that is the question of Hakuyuu’s insistence on touching him and staying near him and just in general keeping a close eye on him. Kouen cannot draw a real conclusion from this, he only confuses himself further. Or maybe he doesn’t want to explore further a topic that would serve to break his composure.

That is, until Hakuyuu’s arm is releasing its hold on Kouen’s neck, instead finding its place around the redhead’s waist. Kouen cannot say he remained dignified when Hakuyuu is pulling his cousin onto his lap.

“ _Kouen_.” Again, another change in Hakuyuu’s voice. It is threatening, but somehow different than the mock anger he showed before. There, like the slow trickling of water as it was freed from the ice by the grace of the sun, there was something much more reverberating in the back of his throat, an aftertaste of sorts. 

Kouen no longer feels like this is just some lighthearted banter, nor is it the cheery play they were engaged in moments ago. His heart beats hard in his chest, springing to life in light of Hakuyuu’s newfound closeness. The smell of lavender is overwhelming. Is that Hakuyuu? It must be. It is nice, unlike the flowers that had Kouen sneezing in the springtime. The warmth, too, is overwhelming. Hakuyuu is bigger than Kouen, not by much, but enough that Kouen is almost entirely enveloped by the gravity weighing down his stomach.

Because it has dropped, dropped far below what is normal and is churning, around and around and around. He feels like vomiting, dizziness settling into his brain and making his already cluttered thoughts buzz once more. Always, Hakuyuu always did this, always made his thoughts spin, his stomach tighten, his chest explode. He really was in love with Hakuyuu, wasn’t he?

“Your Highness, this is highly improper.” There is no fight in Kouen’s voice, not even the meekest protest. He finds himself looking up to the petals fluttering from the tree above them. Off in the distance he can hear life in the palace beginning. Kouen knows that Hakuyuu knows, and it is this sinking thought that further drags Kouen back into his retreated mental prison.

Coldness settles over his gaze. He has to separate, for if he didn’t now, he wouldn’t ever. He is a prince, he cannot afford the luxury to play around like this with his cousin. One day he would be married to some wench and she would be the one bearing his sons and she would be sleeping next to him and she would be comforting him and she would be dying wi–

“I do suppose you’re right. You always are, in the end.”

Hakuyuu’s gentle voice, resigned and sad, interrupts Kouen’s thoughts. Though both of them understand that they aren’t supposed to be together like this, neither of them makes the move to return to propriety. Kouen does not want to, Hakuyuu cannot force himself to do it. And the sinking feeling in Kouen’s gut has pulled his heart down with it.

“Your Highness…?”

“Kouen I’m sorry.”

Kouen shifts until he is facing Hakuyuu, kneeling between his legs with his hands on his lap. “You have no reason to apologize, Your Highness. If you wish it, I will remove myself.”

Hakuyuu sighs and runs a hand through his hair. In his eyes there is something drooping and dark, as though the moon has eclipsed the sun and all light has been sucked up by the cold, black hole of space. Troubled, Kouen can tell Hakuyuu is thinking very hard. His eyebrows have knit together just so. It worries him greatly to see His Highness like this, who is usually so calm and collected.

“Kouen, forgive me.”

Again with that? Why did he apologize? Kouen opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, not when Hakuyuu is staring straight at him with such an intense fire in his gaze. Kouen shivers, but he remains firm, staring right back as he replies with a “Don’t apologize.”

Hakuyuu’s shoulders shake with a laugh. “You are… you really are something.”

Kouen realizes, just a little too late and impartial to the consequences of such late realization, that Hakuyuu must have thought at some point _‘I don’t care’_ and thrown reason to the wind. Hakuyuu’s hand is tilting his face up by the chin, and Kouen finds His Highness’ lips on his own. It is only for a second, and it is utterly unsatisfying, for Kouen wants to lean in and continue when Hakuyuu is pulling away.

But he does not. He does not continue for the sake of Hakuyuu, who looks like he is in so much pain. Kouen lets Hakuyuu stand up, say his goodbyes, and walk away. It is only when Kouen is sure that Hakuyuu is out of his reach that he turns to press his back against the tree where Hakuyuu previously was. A sigh is breathed out, and Kouen is touching his lips, contemplating whether the kiss actually happened, or if it was just a dream.


End file.
